Fallback

[springinstep.livejournal.com]

Author: springinstep
Title: Fallback
Rating: R
Pairing/s: Gwen/Lancelot, Gwen/Morgana (past), Arthur/Merlin, Arthur/Gwen
Character/s: Gwen, Lancelot, Arthur, Leon, Morgana, Merlin
Summary: There are things which should be and then the things which are. Some of these things Gwen can handle, others she can't.
Warnings: light sexual content
Word Count: 919
Prompt: #24: Come Wake Me Up


Fallback

Months later he returned from fighting Arthur’s crusades and his eyes were fogged over, his head occupied with so many thoughts of bloodshed and the men who fell. Mud, grass and other things Gwen didn’t want to think about stick to his boots, his clothes and even a little in his hair.

It’s not that Lancelot is naive; he wasn’t raised until his manhood on only the tales of glory bestowed upon a knight who fights for his king. Before Lancelot got that knighthood he survived the way the world really worked when a man chose to live by the sword. But there was still nothing in the world which could prepare a person for what they would face in battle. No matter how many times they had been before.

And it was with a heavy heart that Gwen had told him to go. His job was to be at her side as the queen’s personal guard. But while by her side was where he wanted to stay, Gwen could also see that there was another part of him itching for battle. Lancelot was a survivor but he was also a protector, and not just for her.

She left him be for a while, allowing the time and space to have his injuries dealt with and to wash the battleground from his body. The time dragged by and it felt she was just drifting until night fell. Arthur was still shut in the council chambers with Leon, who delivered reports and went through records of the men sent out in an effort to identify the dead. She left them to it and retired to her chambers, only to find Lancelot waiting outside her door. That’s how she knew nobody else was around, that it was okay to take his hand and lead him inside.

If there were even the slightest chance of somebody being around to see them then Lancelot wouldn’t have been there. He was just as skilled as the rest of them at keeping arrangements hidden from Camelot’s eyes. Because Arthur knew. It was the reason why he decided that Lancelot would be Gwen’s guard. She married Arthur because she loved him and she does. But years go by and things aren’t as simple as they should be. Arthur beds her because Camelot needs an heir, but then it’s Merlin with him at night, as Lancelot is with her.

There are shadows under his eyes and a tensity to his hold which will take a while to pass. And he doesn’t talk about it. What happens on the battlefield will stay on the battlefield. Not because they won’t talk about it, because they can’t.

And when he kisses her she can feel how desperately he wants to push it all from his mind. He needs to block everything else out and for it all to just be her and she lets him. His touches leave her tingling and his kisses make her heart race. It’s with a soft thud of material that her dress slips to the floor over the loose shirt he had been wearing and Gwen finds herself taking some care over the way she traces her fingers over the scars which litter his chest and arms, seeking out the old ones from the new.

Slowly Lancelot slips from her grasp as his lips trail down her body. She reaches down after him and her back arches and her chest heaves. Lancelot’s tongue is against her, inside her. Her toes curl and her breath quickens.

He’s been away for a long time. His hair has grown down just past his shoulders. With her eyes closed and her head roll back, Gwen doesn’t think of anything except that hair tangled around her fingers and the thrum of heat between her legs which makes her head spin.

Perhaps that’s why it’s Morgana’s name soft on her breath when she goes over that edge.

She realises what she’s done right away and becomes cold and still. While Lancelot is away for so long fighting Arthur’s battles, she can sometimes allow her thoughts to slip back to when it was Morgana’s fingers tangled with hers and lips brushing her neck.

But Morgana is gone and has made it clear that she no longer wishes to be a part of Camelot or Gwen’s life anymore.

A betrayal should be a betrayal. But instead it’s another thing which just isn’t simple.

And it’s the part of Gwen which will always be lost to Lancelot. The part she’s too afraid to look at herself because things aren’t the way they were and never can be again. Morgana’s room used to be a place of light and colours and safety for her. But now it lies empty and cold and still locked after so many years.

She is sorry but Lancelot doesn’t want her to be. Not for this and not for how he pushes away the screams of the dying still in his ears and the memory of blood staining his sword to look after her instead. He lies with her and just keeps brushing his fingers through her hair while she clings to him and shudders as she sobs into his shoulder. It’s the man who has just returned from battle who will remain still, his steady breathing starting to calm her thundering heart and pull her back from that awful place which she slips closer and closer to each time.

And he will always tell her never to be sorry.