Between the Sinners and the Saints

[archaeologist-d.livejournal.com]

Author: archaeologist_d
Title: Between the Sinners and the Saints
Rating: PG-13
Pairing/s: Merlin (one-sided)/Arthur , Arthur/Gwen
Character/s: Merlin, Arthur, Gwen
Summary: Love takes and takes and takes and we keep loving anyway.
Warnings: none
Word Count: 342
Prompt:#252: Wait for it.
Author's Notes:
Disclaimer: I do not own the BBC version of Merlin; It and Shine do. I am very respectfully borrowing them with no intent to profit. No money has changed hands. No copyright infringement is intended.

Love doesn't discriminate
Between the sinners
And the saints
It takes and it takes and it takes
And we keep loving anyway.
                        Hamilton

As he watched Arthur kiss Gwen in front of the whole of the court and everyone began to shout their approval of their new queen, Merlin tried not to grimace. Painting a smile on his face, clapping as wildly as the rest, ever-denied dread beating against his chest, Merlin pretended to be the perfect manservant, the perfect friend to them both.

It was all a lie.

He loved Gwen, as ally and confidant. He did wish her well, he did. She was the saint here, the one who might burble and stumble and wring her hands in worry, but she was pure of heart and she made Arthur happy.

But as she kissed Arthur back, whatever love Merlin had for her evaporated into desolation.

Because Merlin loved Arthur, too. But it was a different kind of love, one that raged and tore, was fire and ice and pain. For Arthur, Merlin would do anything, be anyone, deny his very soul if that's what it took. Merlin lied and lied and lied, pursuing destiny with falsehoods and betrayal, living in the shadows so that Arthur could remain safe.

The dragon had once said that he was the light to Morgana's darkness, the love to her hate, but Merlin was beginning to wonder if he wasn't the sinner here, that it was his darkness, his unrequited love for Arthur that sullied everything he touched.

Sometimes it kept him up at night, tossing and turning in despair, but there was nothing he could do, nothing he could change.

Because as Merlin smiled his crooked smile and pretended to be happy, he knew that, as tainted and desperate as his love was, it was the one true constant in his life. Arthur was the sun and moon and stars and Merlin would love him and want him and need him, no matter how much he wished he didn't, until the end of time.

 

Comments

[tari_sue]

Aww, Merlin, darling, there's nothing wrong with you!

Lovely, heartbreaking fic!

[archaeologist-d.livejournal.com]

Thanks so much. I always feel really bad for Merlin and it usually shows in my work.

[arthurmerlinfan.livejournal.com]

What a beautiful work of Hamilton you used as intro! And you totally succeeded in translating this into this story. <3

[archaeologist-d.livejournal.com]

Thanks so much. I was unsure about using Hamilton in the story but I think it worked.

[dreammaidenn.livejournal.com]

My heart truly breaks for Merlin. This was beautiful.

[archaeologist-d.livejournal.com]

Thanks. So glad you liked it.

[brunettepet.livejournal.com]

I love this bit: Merlin lied and lied and lied, pursuing destiny with falsehoods and betrayal, living in the shadows so that Arthur could remain safe. Merlin was given an impossible task that needed doing in the dark and he's been forced to lie and hide and compromise. Now he's lost the object of his affections and it breaks my heart that all this sacrifice earns him nothing but heart ache.

[archaeologist-d.livejournal.com]

Merlin's whole life seemed to be nothing but heartache. I'm glad it worked for you! I must admit I did like that line myself and worked hard to keep it in. :D

[alx-diamond.livejournal.com]

Oh no, I think you broke me. Poor Merlin! It really does go along perfectly with the lyric, though, well done!

[archaeologist-d.livejournal.com]

Thanks so much. I did really like the lyrics as soon as I read them!

[eilonwy77.livejournal.com]

Oh wow. That was amazing! Poor sweet Merlin. My heart breaks for him.

[archaeologist-d.livejournal.com]

My heart always breaks for him. Thanks. Glad you liked it.

[schweet_heart.livejournal.com]

Aw, poor Merlin </3

[archaeologist-d.livejournal.com]

I know. Poor guy!

[merlocked18.livejournal.com]

yeah this. This. Always sacrificing your own happiness, always close but never allowed to touch, never allowed to love and never be loved like you deserve to be loved.

how could they do this to Merlin? To Merlin of all the characters in that show? How? I will never get over this. And he is still waiting. It's just unfair. I will never accept it.

This fic breaks my heart and it hurts, you convey Merlin's pain so poignantly. I can't stand it. I can't.

*clings*

[archaeologist-d.livejournal.com]

It really was quite torturous of them to make Merlin so lonely and loveless and then to make him live for centuries waiting for Arthur to come back. Just terrible.

Thanks!